Snottie

As if having a fully stocked kitchen is not bad enough

They just opened a deli downstairs of my building… THEY SELL FRENCH FRIES

Went to Claire’s house to watch TV and eat french fries for lunch. As soon as we got back she asks…”want to order french fries from downstairs”

This is a recipe for disaster!!!!!!!!!

Am I in High School??

I miss this bitch!!!!!!!

yarrow:

I don’t have health insurance right now (being retired does have some down sides) so I called Planned Parenthood so I can at least go to them until I find a job if I need to. The woman told me ion order to “qualify” I have to bring my birth certificate (okay), social security card (okay) and…A NOTE FROM MY DAD. I literally felt like I had skipped school and they wanted a note from my parents verfiying I hadn’t. I made my dad write it. At first he was asking why I needed it but the second I said Planned Parenthood he shut up and scribbled away.

By poplular demand...

I’m writing a post for all 3 people that are following me.

It’s pretty bad when you start dreaming about Souplantation. As of recently, Walnuts and I have been frequenting Souplantation on an average of 3 times per week. (Sorry for revealing our secret obsession, Claire).

Anyway, I dreamt that I was walking through souplantation and adoring all the pastries last night. When I woke up, I was devastated that it was only a dream. Do I need an intervention?

Claire and I will be at the Souplantation in Brentwood on Friday for lunch, if anyone wants to join.

Who would have thunk...

I finally met my good friend for dinner last night after not having seen her in forever. We laughed, cried, ate and DRANK to our heart’s content. All I know is that by the time we left restaurant, all I heard was the waitress saying to us was “straight girls, walk straight”

We exited the restaurant and started walking aimlessly to Claire’s house (which by the way is literally 3 blocks away). Needless to say, we got lost and had to call Claire to pick us up. What shocked me is that we kept giving Claire our coordinates, but she was as clueless as we were.

Finally, we made it to Claire’s house. The rest is a complete and total blur. This morning Claire filled me in on all the details. Apparently, I ran down the street topless, mooned my friends before asking to be spanked and then licked my friend’s knee for some reason.

The worst part- She has it all on video.

My friend is so beautiful...

As Claire and I sat outside the Saban building for our calorie free but carcinogen filled lunch break, a strange man approached our table.

Now, people find Claire very attractive normally, but for some reason, homeless people find her completely irresistable.

As she and I were smoking our ciggy’s, a creepy looking guy with curly blonde hair approaches her and says “Hi. My name is Kevin and you are pretty”. He then just walked away….

If only Claire would use her charm to seduce Homeless Eddie (our neighborhood homeless guy that looks like a dirtier version of one of our co-workers named Eddie).

Can’t wait to post some our belig moments tomorrow.

Yes, we are going to happy hour!!!!!!!!!!!

My favorite thing in the world to do is....

wait until the very end of the day to tell Claire she has a poppy seed in her tooth.

Today there were two of them

"Do you guys think you are getting any color in level one"

My tanarexic BFF Claire has been to the tanning booth four consecutive days. I have to say, her tan looks hot. Unlike other memberships (like our gym membership), we actually visit the tanning booth quite frequently. I’m proud of the gradual color that I’m getting, but her consistency really shows results!!

   Upon our visit to the tanning salon today, the dumb associate behind the counter (who is by the way as pale as snow) asked us if “we are getting any color from the level one bed”. REALLY???? Is it really necessary to ask that question for the second time in her life? Well, this time I looked her straight in the face and said “YES! Look at her” as I pointed to Claire’s arm. “What do you think?”

Needless to say, she had no answer.

Claire, you are beautiful and everyone is envious of your tan. Including that dumb bitch at the tanning salon today.